Plans

After reading my last few posts its started to occur to me that my blog has become more of a Dr. Phill session for me than it has for being funny and intertaining you. And to be honest I’m kinda cool with that at the moment. This semester has been tough for me in alot of ways because the thoughts of the future and other stuff have been on my brain. I guess each of us wonder what exactly the future holds, where we’ll be, who will be with us and what we’ll be doing. Its only natural to wish Sister Cleo wasnt a crock of crap and lived in your closet telling you what was coming up. It would be nice to know what pit falls lie ahead you know. But the fact is we dont and we wont. And the hard part in all of this is to sit back and let God have complete controll of everything. My biggest thing this semester has been giving all of my stuff to Him. I’m good about giving some stuff over to Him, the stuff that I think I have figured out, but its the stuff in our life that I want to controll that I have a hard time giving Him. Alot of things in my life have changed in the last two years. I went from having alot of stuff figured out to have virtually none of it figured out. I had a job, a girlfriend of 6 years and the stability that I thought I had always wanted. But two years later I sit here with none of those things in order. I surrendered to a call to ministery and with it came sacrifice. I think I like to talk about how great of a sacrifice it was but in the back of my brain in some ways I think I resent God for it sometimes. My life now is so very happy dont get me wrong. I have been given great friends that I love and for the first time I really feel like I am doing exactly what I am called to do. But there are aspects of my life I still want figured out. Except theres the kicker…..I want them figured out. And heres the thing that God is really showing me. I dont control anything, He does and I dont get to always figure things out in my time. My timing isnt going to be whats best and He knows that. I can stay up wondering till I’m blue in the face but in the end things are gonna happen when He says. All this is easy to say but its very hard to do. I dont know about you but I dont sit back well. I go get, and attack things hoping in the end that it all works out fine. But God is showing me that I need to be patient. He has plans for my life and for yours. Even though you are probably struggling with things that I’m not or maybe they are the same types of things either way He has a plan for you and a plan for me. Its perfect, there are no flaws and he has the timing all worked out to perfection. Like I said easier to say than to do, but this verse is giving me some comfort about the whole thing. Jeremiah 29:11 says, ” For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” His plan is perfect and mine is not, He has my future all worked out. I guess it all goes back to faith doesnt it. If I truly place my faith in Him it means placing my faith that He has my future planned out to perfection, just like He has yours.

Peace and Love,

The White-Man

Questions

Are you ever confused about the way things are supposed to be? Do you ever wonder how you’ll end up in a few years? Do you ever think you’ve figured somthing out and then its absolutly nothing what you thought or hoped for? Well, welcome to my world there folks. I dont really know how to say what I’m thinking or feeling right now because I just dont know how to explain it. Its easy to say God has all the answers because we know He does, and my faith in that does not change. I guess somtimes I wished that I knew more of the answers than I do. I wish that I could look into the future and know that everything will turn out normal and good. I met a guy tonight at a dinner who was probably in his 80’s and had never been married. He was a great Christian man who was the reason that I was at the dinner because he had given money to the seminary so that people like me could go. His faith was obvious. When I left there he told me that he would pray for each of us as tears were filling his eyes. I have absolutly no doubt in my mind that his faith in God was the driving force in his life and it was that faith that drove him to sponser 6 endowments all by himself. But I wonder if you would have ask him 60 years ago if he planned on being single his entire life? I wonder if that was somthing he was ok with? Those are questions that I dont know but it makes me wonder I guess. Apparently he was ok with just himself and he had lived a life that was pleasing to God accordingly. I want that kind of faith. I want to be ok with me and only me but somtimes its hard to tell yourself that fact. Its hard to tell yourself that theres a possibility in 60 years that you might still be single and that could be the plan that God has for your life. I really hope that I’m not coming off bitter or really despret but its on my mind tonight I guess because of one serious mistake I just made. There are so many guys that are kinda freaky when it comes to dating and all that here at SWBTS that I dont want to come off like any of them because thats not what I’m meaning at all. But as a guy you dont always want to be the gay friend you know…haha I guess I just need to keep my focus on God and His plan and His call on my life. Thats where my focus needs to be right now and everything else will fall into perfect place. I know this is random but hey its whats on the old mind tonight. Peace and Love.

The White-Man